A New Year

Happy New Year! Shana Tova u'Metukah. May 2009 be a good year, and may it bring peace.

I've spent many hours this past week trying to articulate my feelings on what's been going on in Israel since Saturday. As the world is well aware, that day Israel began a coordinated attack on the Hamas military infrastructure in the Gaza Strip. This act, called Operation Cast Lead, was a retaliation against the thousands of bombs that have fallen on Israelis in the past seven years. Even after Israel conceded Gaza and withdrew every last soldier and citizen in 2005, (but retained control of its borders) even after a weak six-month ceasefire, militants in Gaza continued to send missiles into Israel, destroying homes and lives.

So, what did Israel do? It fought back. And these attacks have been planned for months. Ehud Barak, the Defense Minister and head of the Labor Party, has made it very clear this showing of strength is also a response to the failed events of the 2nd Lebanon War in 2006. This is Israel saying, Hamas is a bunch of terrorists, we're going to take them down, contrary to before we know HOW do it, and the world just needs to shut up and let us do it. I'm kind of impressed with their resolve, but also deeply saddened that it had to come to this.

If you read the New York Times as often as I do, you'll see that their coverage has been (unsurprisingly) pro-Palestinian. Covering the loss of life, which is and always will be tragic. Profiling the victims of the attacks. Calling Israel the bully. Talking about massive numbers of rallies held in Israel and abroad against the operation. And it's just so infuriating, because the majority of the world (including Arab countries) has said that this was Hamas' fault, they did not listen, they refuse to listen, and Israel had to respond.

Let me make it very clear: the attacks are specifically directed at Hamas, NOT at Palestinians. Israel is doing all that it can to avoid civilian casualties, whereas the rockets being sent from Gaza into Israel are aimed at Israelis: anybody, anywhere, as long as they're card-carrying members of the Jewish religion. It's not like Israel is saying, let's kill all the dirty rotten bunch of them. NO! Israel is taking the necessary measures to protect its citizens, and unfortunately, it involves massive destruction and widespread loss of life.

It's a tremendously bizarre scenario in Israel right now. First of all, we are nowhere near the fighting. Gaza and the southern Negev are about an hour and a half away, which really isn't that big of a comfort, but at least bombs aren't falling on Jerusalem. However, with each passing day we get more and more worried that shit is going to start going down here, whether the missiles are going to reach us or angry people start carrying out their own personal vendettas. The unknown of the future is what scares us all. The immediate present has already sunk in, and we're basically immune to it now.

For the past several days, Jerusalem has felt even more intense than it usually does, which is saying a lot. Everyone (sabras and foreign students alike) has been on their toes. And we're all watching the news and listening to what the foreign media has to say - and it's just totally bizarre. It feels like Israel has a big target on it right now, with all the world's eyes on it. We're all remaining vigilant and keeping our eyes open for what might happen, though at this point us HUC students are mostly consumed with our final exams.

And as for the way it feels to be here, well.. I'm mostly depressed. I'm so sad that the situation between these two peoples is what it is. My History of Zionism class this semester was basically an explanation of exactly what's going on in Israel today: these are just two completely separate peoples who hate each other. I don't think that hatred will ever go away, and thus my hope for peace is basically no more. I just don't see it happening on a large-scale, even with a two-state solution. No one will ever be satisfied, and no one will ever forgive the other for the events of the past.

So, hinei Yisrael. This is Israel. This is what it's like to live here, constantly under the threat of war. This is what it's like to be surrounded by your enemies, to know that people absolutely hate you, to see that the majority outside world thinks you're assholes for attacking those poor innocent people in Gaza, who live in poverty and have nothing anyway. I do not understand why people choose to move here, but then again... they probably don't understand how I can be a full and legit Jew while living hutz m'aretz - outside the Holy Land, where Jews belong.

I'm now going home to California in eight days. (Hooray!) A part of me wants to stay in Los Angeles and never look back, and another part of me wants to return to Israel for the four months and twenty-four days I have left on my program, and support Israel by being here and standing with my fellow Jews. I think this is a tension many of my fellow students feel, both out of our fear of impending war and the reality that most of us have no interest in making aliyah. This isn't our home. California is my home. My family and Adam, and friends and loved ones: that's my home. I want to be with my home.

Yet Jerusalem has become my home too, in some way. I've set down some serious stuff here; created a world for myself and become comfortable in my temporary environment. It's going to be totally bizarre to be a tourist in Los Angeles for two weeks, looking at Israel from 6,000 miles away and thinking that my current life exists in Jerusalem, not in L.A. Whether I return to Israel or stay in L.A. is not up to me; the school will make that decision, and it's unlikely we'll be sent home to the states. Regardless, it's just going to be a weird experience, and I'll blog and blab all about it, and all my feelings, for all you lucky readers.

Sigh. Hinei Yisrael. This is part of the experience of living here, I guess. This is Israel, in all its glory. This is why I'm here: to live and breathe all that Israel does and is and will be.

To return to the message at the beginning of this post, Happy New Year. Really and truly. Let's make it a happy year. Let us rise to the occasion and rally around this new American government - let us create positive changes as much as we can, even in these tremendously dark and scary times. Let us ride that banner of Hope, wherever we are. And let us always look to the people we love, and know that we are lucky to have them.

Sending you my warmest new years hugs....

-Jaclyn