I GOT MY PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!

Oh sweet Lord, Baruch Atah Adonai, all that is holy, THANK YOU!

For the last week of my life, I've been in a bitter custody battle with the Israel Consualte over the love of my life, the cream in my coffee, my winning lottery ticket: my passport.

As is the case with most custody battles, they wanted to keep it for themselves. Apparently they wanted to play in the park with it, teach it how to catch, and buy it a nice dinner in Union Square. They tried to win it over. Alimony be damned, they wanted it bad.

Finally, they grew tired of it. They realized what hard work it is to have a passport. Albeit, they came to this decision several weeks later than I expected them to. It probably had something to do with my dozens of aggressive, obnoxious phone calls and messages. My intense persistence. Or my completely unbearable anxiety. One way or another, I won it back.

So, here I am, happy as a clam, kissing my passport and welcoming it back where it belongs: with its mother.

Peace be the journey.