Good Morning, Good Morning

Things are progressing at such a rapid pace now; it's hard to keep up. I feel like the days have sped by faster and faster since I left the Music Festival in April. It's kind of crazy how fast the weeks are going now! It's overwhelming me.

I've hit the moment where suddenly there's so much to do, and my mind is filled with anxiety about how to get it all done. The week of nothing, a la last week's post, should have been filled with small errands and things. I'm kicking myself for not taking more off my to-do list. But, I think last week was a weird form of procrastination. It's over and I need to move on!

I've started to dream about Israel. Weird dreams. Dreams that don't particularly make sense, aren't scary or nightmarish, but have some sort of meaning to them. I don't remember them all that well, just that my dreams involve my move in some way.

The one thing I do recall from last night had to do with being there and NOT being able to blog, (the horror!) Harry Goldenblatt being a former rabbi, and a movie theater on the same street as my apartment. Oh, and something that had to do with visiting Adam's family in Israel. They spoke in English, then randomly the mother would smack the family and tell them to speak in Hebrew.

Interpretations? Anyone want to be my Joseph?

Anyway, what else can I tell the general public... this week was my last week at Emanu-El. It was totally anticlimactic since there's absolutely no one there right now. I have to say it felt a little bit strange leaving. Not sad, not happy, not emotional or anything; just strange. A weird, bizarre feeling of emptiness or oddness. I can't explain it.

I wound up leading services twice the past week to fill in for the Cantor. That was a whole blog post of its own. It felt good to be back on the bimah, singing the same pieces that made me want to be a Cantor in the first place. I even sang the same piece from my audition, Sim Shalom by Michael Isaacson, one of my all-time favorites.

I have to say, it was very meaningful and poignant to do this right before I left. It gave me a chance to say goodbye, theoretically, to a part of my life that I'm glad is over. Being on that bimah, singing those songs, made me feel safe and comfortable in this new path. As much as I love the music, I can't stand the pressure. I can't handle the stress placed on my voice; the awkwardness of trying to convince a congregation to sing opera with you. I love music so deeply and always will, but I want it to be something I enjoy and do because I want to. I want to sing out in praise, not sing to get people to pray.

I don't know, in some weird way it all makes sense to me and I'm thrilled about becoming a rabbi. I do anticipate some sort of weirdness when we get to Israel and it really hits me that I'm not in the program I always thought I'd be in. It will take some getting used to.

So now I bid you adieu, as I head off into the great blue yonder and figure out how to pack up this darn apartment. I hope you're all having a great weekend. Check back soon.

-J

p.s... Anyone want a couch?