One day to go...

Since that evening in late March when I found out I'd been accepted to rabbinical school I have encountered the widest gamut of excitement, anxiety, and stress one can imagine. And each week, with its set of new promises and challenges, had me thinking to myself, "well, at least I'm not leaving tomorrow." Nearly every day the past three months I've thought this, trying to assuage my anxiety by convincing myself there was still time. Still time to make plans, still time to say goodbye, still time to deal with whatever I needed to.

Now, the day has come where my departure is, in fact, tomorrow. Like any major life cycle event, the countdown to showtime climaxes with the feeling of one-day-to-go. Just one more day to get every last minute thing done, say every last word you need to, make every last phone call, and do all that is necessary to ensure you'll do exactly what you've planned to do for so many months. That day is today, and I simply cannot believe it.

The past week of my life I've felt like the star of my own freak show. Between leaving Berkeley (which was achingly difficult to do) and battling the Israeli consulate for my visa-stamped passport (just as emotionally draining) I feel exhausted and somewhat defeated. It's been mildly exciting making all these trips to Target and Costco, but I feel so guilty for spending so much and making a mess of my parents' living room. I'm certain I haven't been as pleasant or appreciative to my family and Adam as I should have been, focusing on the stress of what wasn't getting done, rather than the pleasure of accomplishing what was finished. But I guess that's just the way I roll.

To be fair, my overwhelming feeling right now is one of great anticipation. I am really, honestly and truly excited about this upcoming experience. I think it will be amazing, and I am truly excited to return to Israel after eight years. I've looked forward to the year in Israel since the day I decided to consider becoming a cantor. I always thought spending a year in Jerusalem would be incredible, and always thought I'd have a wonderful time.

On the other hand, I'm a little bit upset about being out of my comfort zone for a whole year. Not three months, or six months, but a year of my life. While I know I can do it, and that deep down everything will be okay, I'm just kind of scared. And a little bit sad. I love California, I love my family and friends, and I'm not all that keen on spending so much time away from it all.

I would imagine that everyone else in the program is feeling similarly right now. I mean, how could they not? Every major life cycle moment has the potential to be bittersweet: exciting and daunting at the same time. I guess that's just what keeps us getting stronger.

I bid you all a wonderful day... relax and decompress for me!

Love, Jaclyn